Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie 8

Several days went by.

Calvin and Hobbes had come no closer to returning to Camp Pine and the Search and Rescue units had come no closer to finding Calvin and Hobbes, yet.

John and Earl strolled side by side through Camp Pine.

The entire place was lined with police tape, and there were Search and Rescue units around the area, doing whatever it is Search and Rescue units do when they’re not searching for the lost person.

John and Earl glared at them all from under their dark sunglasses, and headed towards the counselor’s cabin.

John opened the door, and Earl walked inside first.

John gave the people outside one last glance, before closing the door behind him.

Earl groaned, and walked over to the desk in the far corner of the cabin.

“I can’t believe this is happening!” He griped, collapsing into the chair. “All of our plans down the tube,”

“Nobody said it was going to be easy,” John said, crossing his arms. “We obviously need a new plan of action. By the way, where’s the crew?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Earl groaned. “They’re somewhere around here playing monopoly or something. How’s our power situation?”

John held up his arm, as if checking his watch.

He pushed several buttons on it, making it beep, repeatedly.

He looked up.

“We need to recharge,” He said, quietly. “We’ve been stuck like this for over a week, now.”

Earl nodded.

He turned in the chair, and opened one of the drawers in the desk.

There was a large blue button right in the middle of the drawer’s floor, but other than that, there was nothing else in it.

Earl pushed the button.

Suddenly, a monotone robotic voice chimed through the cabin.

“HOLOGRAPHIC DISGUISE UNIT DEACTIVATED.”

Without warning, the locks on the front and back doors clicked and all the shades were drawn.

Earl closed the drawer.

Suddenly, something in John and Earl’s white Camp Pine T-shirts began whirring.

It started out slowly and softly at first, but soon began to speed up and get louder.

Suddenly, John’s facial features began to melt away. The same thing happened to Earl.

As if they were candle wax in an microwave, everything began to melt off of John and Earl, revealing... something else.

John’s fingers snapped together, and fused. Earl’s head began taking on a crescent moon shape. John’s Camp Pine uniform began gradually fading into a bright red uniform.

John Chill and Earl were not human. But, you’ve probably already surmised that, by now.

Where John and Earl once stood, there stood two tall creatures with chrome colored skin, a crescent moon shaped head, tentacles instead of arms and legs, razor sharp teeth, and a bright red uniform with a yellow belt, and a black Z logo on the side. Earl had a name tag which read, Earl, Captain, while John had one that read, Rupert, Top Command.

“We didn’t have to stay this long at all the other planets we attacked,” Earl complained, in a more raspy hacksaw voice than before, leaning forward in his seat.

John, or I should say Rupert, took his sunglasses off, revealing compound, glowing, yellow eyes.

“The other planets we attacked didn’t have a six year old brat at the top of its government,” He said.

“Seriously, how incredibly stupid can these humans be?!” Earl groaned, burying his face in his tentacles. “Appointing kids to that kind of position? And I thought they were stupid when I heard they were still using DVDs,”

Rupert began pacing.

“I would like to see the prisoners, again.” He said, finally. “Where are they?”

Earl took his sunglasses off, also revealing compound eyes, and pushed another button in one of the desk drawers.

There was another whirring noise, and suddenly, part of the wall flipped over, revealing two armless figures with tall black hats. One of them had a star on it and the other had a crescent moon. They were chained to the wall.

“Hey look! They want to talk to us, again!” The one with the star on his hat cheered.

“Oh thank goodness!” The other one said. “Conversation that isn’t with you.”

“Galixoid and Nebular.” Rupert said, pacing the floor in front of them.

“Yes?” They both chimed.

“We have come here to Earth, searching for the Supreme Earthling Potentate,” Rupert said.

Galixoid and Nebular nodded.

“Through the information you gave us, we discovered that he was a six year old living in an unnamed town in an unnamed state with two unnamed people.” Earl said.

Galixoid and Nebular nodded.

“Through a thorough scan of that particular neighborhood, we discovered he was attending an Earth activity called ‘Summer Camp’,” Rupert said.

Galixoid and Nebular nodded.

“We went through all this trouble just to get here, capture the actual John Chill, pose as him, just to get close to the Earth Potentate, only to have him disappear into thin air!” Earl added

Galixoid and Nebular nodded.

“All because the crew goofed up, and attacked him, too early!” Rupert growled.

Galixoid and Nebular nodded.

“Now, we both need you to tell us...”

Rupert advanced over the two aliens.

“Where did he go?”

Galixoid and Nebular stared at Rupert.

“How are we supposed to know?” Galixoid demanded, his brow furrowing.

“You’ve done business with him, in the past,” Rupert said in a forced calm. “You traded fifty leaves from your backyard to him in exchange for the Earth, then you gave him the Earth back for free after you found out about winter.”

“Actually we didn’t give the Earth back until we found out about their movie, Manos: The Hands of Fate,” Nebular said.

Galixoid nodded.

“And then there were all those Japanese cartoons!!” He added, in terror.

Galixoid and Nebular both shuddered at the thought.

“Whatever,” Earl said, rolling his eyes. “The point is you know the SEP, you understand him, so you will predict his actions!”

There was a moment of silence.

Finally, Galixoid and Nebular just shrugged. Which is kind of weird to watch, considering they didn’t have any shoulders.

Rupert and Earl slapped their foreheads.

“If you can’t tell us anything else, then we don’t need you anymore!” Rupert growled, dangerously.

He shot a glance at Earl.

Galixoid and Nebular gulped.

Earl reached over and flipped a switch on his uniform.

Electricity suddenly began surrounding the piece of wall that Galixoid and Nebular were strapped to.

They both closed their eyes, gritted their teeth, and waited.

Suddenly, the computer voice rang out, again.

“ELECTRIC SHOCK UNIT MISSING OR DEACTIVATED. AWAITING FURTHER INFO.”

There was a long moment of silence.

Rupert and Earl stared straight ahead, blankly.

Earl smacked his sharp tongue against the roof of his mouth.

“The crew,” He said, simply.

Rupert nodded.

“Well, we’re the only ones that will play charades with them.” Galixoid said.

Earl glared at them, and pushed another button on his suit.

The wall flipped back over, and closed Galixoid and Nebular up, again.

“Now what?” Rupert asked, turning to Earl. “Those two were our last chance, and they can’t tell us anything more.”

“There’s only one thing we can do,” Earl said, standing up. “Are our disguise units recharged?”

Rupert checked the watch on his tentacle.

“Yes, they are. I’ll reactivate them.”

He pushed a button on his suit, and waited.

The computer voice rang out, once again.

“ALTERNATE SPECIES PROJECTOR ACTIVATED.” It said. “HOLOGRAPHIC HOMO SAPIENS FORM ENGAGED.”

Rupert and Earl’s uniforms began whirring, again, and with a flash of white light, they transformed back into humans. However, one thing about them was the same. Both they’re eyes remained yellow and compound.

Earl pushed a button on the desk.

“TELEPORTATION ACTIVATED.” The computer said. “ALL CREW MEMBERS ARE TO REPORT.”

BRZAP!!</b>

Suddenly, Dave, Alex, Zack, and the rest of the counselors appeared out of thin air in the cabin. Only, they were now out of their human disguises and in the form as the chrome colored aliens.

It was slightly creepy, since they all had insane grins on their faces. You ever see a mutant dangerous creature with compound eyes and razor sharp teeth possessing a stupid grin? It’s weird, I can tell you that.

They all looked around, confused.

Then, they spotted Rupert and Earl glaring at them with their insect like eyes.

Dave grinned.

“Oh, hi! We were just playing ‘stand around in a large group and act like we’re watching TV’!” He said. “Zack wanted to watch Imaginary Nickelodeon and Lenny wanted Imaginary Cartoon Network but then I went on to...”

“Shut up,” Earl growled, grabbing a pair of sunglasses off his desk, and putting them on.

Rupert did the same.

“We’re resorting to our backup plan,” Earl said, turning back to the crew.

There was a moment of silence.

Several pairs of blank expressions met Rupert and Earl.

Rupert heaved a deep sigh.

“Do you even know what our backup plan is?” He groaned.

There was another moment of silence.

Alfred and Alex exchanged nervous glances and Lenny’s attention wandered to a butterfly fluttering by the now open window.

Rupert and Earl groaned, loudly.

“Never mind, let’s just get back to the Mother ship,” Earl grumbled.

He pushed another button the cabin’s desk, and the computer voice rang out one last time.

“TELEPORTATION ACTIVATED.”

BRZAP!!!</b>

There was an explosion of electricity, and suddenly, Rupert, Earl and the entire crew of aliens vanished into thin air.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Calvin and Hobbes were panting for breath as the climbed up the ridge of another large mountain.

This mountain was mostly just rock slides. There weren’t all that many trees around. The ones that were were sticking out between the rocks, their roots showing through the large boulders.

Chipmunks occasionally darted across the rocks as Calvin and Hobbes past them, and there were a pair of hawks circling above them.

Calvin was exhausted.

And he made sure everyone knew about it.

“I’m so tired!” He whined, trying to climb over one of the rocks. “My feet hurt, I’m hot, and I’m just downright miserable!”

“Uh huh,” Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

“Here I am trying to climb over this stupid mountain, even though I have absolutely no idea what that accomplishes, and my eyes hurt because of the sun, the blood has rushed into my hands so I can’t make a fist without it hurting, I’m really hungry, and those stupid hawks won’t give us directions!” Calvin complained.

“That’s devastating,” Hobbes said.

“Plus it will be another hour before I’m done griping, and then my voice will be hoarse!” Calvin added.

“Sure,” Hobbes said.

“I’m not sure I can go on, Hobbes!” Calvin said, pathetically. “Both my ears are really hot, my legs feel like Jell-o, these stupid flies won’t leave me alone...”

“And it was then that Calvin suddenly remembered Susie! His one true love in the world!” Hobbes exclaimed, suddenly, holding his arms out. “And all his strength returned! And with restored vigor, he knew that it was only a matter of getting out of this mountain range before he could see her beautiful face again, and once he did, they’d spend many hours smooching, reading romantic poetry to each other and it would then be the day, after all this time, that Calvin would finally get the courage to get onto his knee, hold up some really expensive diamond ring you got from Zales, and ask that extremely important question... ‘Susie, my dear love, will you marry me?’!!”

There was a long moment of silence.

Calvin’s head slowly turned, and he stared at Hobbes with a blank expression.

“I’m sorry, Hobbes, did you say something?” He asked in a dangerous calm.

Hobbes blinked.

“Uh.. No. I didn’t say anything.” He said.

“I didn’t think so,” Calvin growled.

And they continued.

For two whole hours they climbed, nonstop, aiming for the top of mountain.

“Well,” Calvin panted, wiping some sweat from his brow. “We should be approaching something of significance, pretty soon,”

“Uh huh,” Hobbes grumbled, rolling his eyes. He couldn’t understand how Calvin could go from such a bad mood into a good one after continuing to do the activity that was making him angry.

“Oh come on, what’s your problem?” Calvin demanded. “We can’t be far from Camp Pine, now.”

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

“Calvin, we don’t even know if we’re in the same state as Camp Pine,” He groaned. “For all we know, we could lost in some mountain range in Montana.”

“Well, if that’s the case, then we’re in big trouble, because I don’t know if Montana’s only inhabitant likes to takes hikes in the mountains.” Calvin said.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

They kept climbing in silence.

The hours crawled by.

Soon, darkness had come, and Calvin and Hobbes were forced to stop for the night.

“OK,” Calvin said, taking his duffel bag off his shoulder. “You can get to work on setting the tent, generators, and whatever else you happen to find in there!”

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other.

“Aaaaaand what are you going to do?” Hobbes asked, his brow furrowing.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

“Hobbes, I’m shocked at you. What did you think I was going to do? Just sit around and watch you work?”

“That did strike me as a potentially considerable possibility.” Hobbes replied.

“Bah! I’ll have you know I have the most important job of them all! A job that, if not done, will bring chaos and destruction onto our happy little world! A job that isn’t for the faint at heart! A job that would make Doctor Who gasp!”

There was another silence.

“Yes?” Hobbes asked.

Calvin held his head at a proud angle.

“I have the dangerous, daring seemly impossible job...” He paused for dramatic effect. “...of standing here providing comedic relief during this intensely boring scene in which you set everything up!”

Silence filled the land.

An entire minute and a half dragged by as Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other, blankly.

In the distance, the sound of a cricket chirping was heard.

Calvin blinked.

“Well, I’ll just go look for some dinner, then,” He said, finally.

“You do that,” Hobbes said.

And with that, Calvin walked off, grumbling.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and reached into the duffel bag.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Calvin griped and complained to himself as he searched through the forest, looking for something to eat.

More specifically, he was looking for a conveniently placed Quiznos.

When he didn’t find any of those, he started looking through the bushes at the various berries that were growing on them.

But don’t think he did this cheerfully.

“Stupid berries have to be poisonous... have better things to do... can’t believe I’m lost in this stupid place... Totally unbelievable that those Hollywood idiots can get away with Hobgoblins 2... Wasting my summer away...” He muttered to himself, collecting all the berries he could carry.

Suddenly, the six year old boy caught some movement out of the corner of his eye, and a twig snapped.

SNAP!!

Calvin whipped around.

He stared off into the darkness with squinted eyes.

“Hello?” He asked, bravely. Or stupidly. It was hard to tell. “Anyone here? Because if there is, I order you to rescue me!”

There was no reply.

“Oh, you’re going to do this, again, huh?” Calvin growled, dropping the berries on the ground. “Well, I’ll have you know I’m not taking it, this time, you stupid bear!”

He held up his fists, and started punching the air.

“Come on out, Teddy! I’ll turn you into a throw rug! Bring it!” He yelled.

Nothing happened.

Calvin glared at the darkness.

“Yeah, you better run! You better just hope I don’t unleash my terrible wrath upon you!!”

Nothing.

Calvin’s eyes narrowed and he tilted his head to one side.

The darkness foreboding, but this didn’t stop Calvin.

Slowly, he pulled his Transmogrifier Gun out of his pocket, and crept forward, staring intently into the darkness.

He moved into the group of trees, and looked around, holding the squirt gun out in front of him.

He cut his eyes from side to side, and continued forward.

Suddenly, something went off behind him.

PULLL!! TWAAAAAAANG!!!

Calvin whipped around.

He caught more movement out of the corner of his eye.

He turned to face the movement, holding the Transmogrifier out in front of him.

“Who’s there?” He demanded, angrily. “I’m warning you! I have a water pistol and I’m not afraid to use it!”

There was no reply.

By this time, Calvin had begun to feel uneasy.

Very slowly, he started forward, glaring at the darkness, his finger over the trigger on the water pistol.

Leaves crunched under his feet as he walked.

He stopped, suddenly.

He looked around again.

There didn’t appear to be anything in the forest with him.

He paused for a short moment, then took another step forward.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGH!!!” Calvin screamed, as his foot fell down a pit, pulling him in.

Hobbes looked up from setting the generator up.

“Calvin?” He asked.

He stood up.

“Calvin, are you alright?”

There was a silence.

“Calvin?” He asked, beginning to walk forward. “What’s happened? Are you alright?”

There was another pause.

He walked into the forestry, towards the scream.

“Calvin, you’re scaring me.” Hobbes whimpered. “Where are you?”

He looked around the darkness, looking for Calvin.

“Calvin, I know you’re here somewhere so plea—EEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSEEEE!!!!!!!”

Suddenly, the ground underneath Hobbes gave way, and the tiger fell through a large pit in the ground.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHH!!!” Hobbes cried, covering his eyes, as he fell through a small tunnel.

Suddenly, the tunnel disappeared, and Hobbes found himself hovering in mid air.

He clawed at the air for a second, then collapsed on a dirt floor.

“Ouch,” He whined.

There was a pause, in which Hobbes laid face down in the dirt, moaning to himself.

“Hobbes?” A voice suddenly asked.

Hobbes looked up.

Calvin was standing over him, staring at him.

There was a moment of silence.

“Yes, Calvin?” Hobbes said, finally.

“Did you get the tent set up?” Calvin asked.

There was another moment of silence.

“Uuuuh... not yet...” Hobbes said.

“Huh,” Calvin said.

Silence.

“Calvin?” Hobbes said, suddenly.

“Yes?”

“We seem to have just fallen through a hidden tunnel into a secret passageway.” Hobbes said.

Calvin looked around.

“Yes, we have.” He nodded, rubbing his chin.

He turned back to Hobbes.

“Point being...?” he began.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and stood up, dusting himself off.

“So, all obvious stuff aside, where actually are we as of this moment?” Calvin asked, rubbing his hands together, and looking around. “And let’s hurry it up, I’ve got stuff to do!”

“You’re so weird,” Hobbes muttered, rubbing his temple.

“What?!” Calvin shouted, his head coming up.

“I said... I’m not entirely sure of where we are. We should probably investigate,”

“Yes, we should,” Calvin said, bravely, spinning around. “Hopefully it will give us something to do while we wait for someone to save us!”

Calvin rushed off down the dark tunnel.

Hobbes sighed and followed.

The hallways were dark. There was, however, a small source of light inside. Neither Calvin nor Hobbes could figure out where the dim light was coming from, but it appeared to be shining through the dirt wall. As if light had been inserted right into the dirt, itself.

They walked for a few minutes, before they started realizing something.

“Say, Hobbes?” Calvin said, looking around the dirt tunnel. “Is it getting a bit humid to you?”

Hobbes paused.

“Uhh, yeah, it’s starting to get kind of hot...”

“My words exactly. Now why do you suppose that is?”

There was a silence.

“Uhhh...” Hobbes began.

“Obviously, we’ve entered some kind of interdimensional portal, and with each step we take it’s throwing us closer and closer to the center of the Earth!”

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

“What?” He demanded.

“It’s the only explanation! And it means we have to stop walking, right now, or else we’ll be sucked into the center of the Earth or a time vortex. And even though both of those possibilities are really cool...”

“Calvin, have you ever considered it just might be hot because there’s a heater down here?” Hobbes interrupted.

Silence.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

“Everything has to be logical for you doesn’t it?” He growled. “Don’t even consider the possibilities that we’re in the Twilight Zone or that we’re going to run into the TARDIS at some point!”

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

CLANG!!

Calvin and Hobbes whipped around.

“What was that?” Calvin demanded.

“A clang, I’d reckon.” Hobbes said.

Calvin glared at Hobbes, then began moving forward, slowly.

Hobbes, having no other choice, followed him.

Calvin continued walking through the tunnel until suddenly, a large steel wall came into view.

Calvin’s eyes popped open, and he ran over to it.

Hobbes followed.

He observed the steel barrier.

“Hmm, dead end,” He said. “Guess we have to turn back,”

“Oh no you don’t!” Calvin growled, pulling Hobbes back by the tail. “Don’t you ever watch the Scifi Channel, Hobbes? This is a door!!”

“One can always hope,” Hobbes sighed.

He walked back to Calvin.

“How do you open it?” He asked, observing it.

“Ring the doorbell? How am I supposed to know?” Calvin demanded.

He examined it for a minute.

“Hello, what’s this?” the six year old grinned, as he ran his hands along the dirt wall next to the door.

He brushed some of the dirt away, and blew on the wall.

Hobbes looked up.

There was a control panel covered in numbered buttons placed right on the dirt wall next to the door.

Calvin turned a grin onto Hobbes.

“Would ya look at this, old buddy! Advanced technology, cool doors, lights installed into dirt molecules! There’s only one logical explanation!”

“Aliens?” Hobbes guessed.

Calvin glared.

“No, it means we’ve located a lost civilization, and they’re millions of years ahead of us in technology!”

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

“Apparently, they were buried in dirt just as Atlantis was buried in water!” Calvin exclaimed, excitedly. “Hobbes, do you know how great this is?!? After I get out of this God forsaken mountain range, and report my discoveries of Calvantis to the world, I’ll be a multi-billionaire and I can move into some big apartment in Denver!”

Hobbes stared at him.

“Why Denver?” He asked.

Calvin shrugged.

“I dunno. It was just the first city that came to mind.” He said.

Hobbes sighed.

CLANG!!!

Calvin and Hobbes looked up.

The sound was more loud this time, coming from inside the doorway.

They stared at the door for a moment.

“We’re still going in, aren’t we?” Hobbes sighed.

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

“Hobbes, if there was a giant three headed dog with rabies and a bad disposition for tigers and little boys behind that door we’d still go in.” He said.

“I suspected as much,” Hobbes said.

Calvin turned back to the door.

“Okay, I have no interest of trying figure out the combination for this door, so...” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the Transmogrifier Gun. “Let’s just do this the easy way.”

He aimed the water gun at the control panel and fired.

BRZAP!</b>

The control panel vanished, and in its place, a doorknob appeared.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin grinned, and turned the knob.

ZZZZZZZZZIPP!!

Calvin and Hobbes looked back at the door.

It had suddenly lifted upward into the ceiling, and had revealed a large darkened room.

Calvin grinned.

“HOT dog!!” he shouted, rubbing his hands together.

And without any hesitation at all, the six year old rushed into the room.

Hobbes stared after him, uneasily, then followed.